he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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