I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize