did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
