I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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