just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
