Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
