pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
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Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.