We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?