pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
