i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.