its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
