If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
