Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
