I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
