i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
