If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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