i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
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I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
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First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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