I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
