Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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