We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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