Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
