I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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