Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
