My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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