I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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