oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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