you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
