remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
false alarm, still single
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
