A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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