I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
