what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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