You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
