Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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