i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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