you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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