DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
