My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
