i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
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the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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