Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
i've created a new STD.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
