Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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