I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
