I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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