Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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