and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
