I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize