Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
