I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
