I can tuck mytits in my pants
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
