I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
