I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So many bounce houses so little time
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
