You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
