He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
