I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
