i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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