I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
