Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
