I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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