Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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