as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
