No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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