i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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