I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
