I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
