Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
