Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Randomize
