I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
