Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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