We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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