piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
