Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
