I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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