What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
