I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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