Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
