dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
