Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
