If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
