someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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