Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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