Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
