When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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