i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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