Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
