so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
