I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
